Smitha sat by the window, her seatbelt buckled, her bag tucked in the overhead compartment. She was ready for the take-off. Three rows ahead, the flight attendant was finishing the safety demonstration. Right when the attendant finished her part, Smitha felt a gentle tug. She looked out through the small window and watched the runway slowly slide past.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the upright seat, letting out a deep sigh. She waited for the dreadful feeling at the pit of her stomach. The one that never seemed to fade, despite her countless air travels. Still, there was a small hope in her heart. A hope that this feeling would not come this time.

It had been months since she felt anything. A thought, a smile, the sensation of cold water on a hot day, the sadness when her favourite character died, or the sense of hunger after an entire day without food. She couldn’t feel anything. Music became a thing of the past. She still hadn’t listened to the new album by her favourite artist. Silence had enveloped her world.

Days became nights as the sun and the moon rose, one after the other. But it was only a counter that went by. Without her weekly calls with her beloved family, she wouldn’t have known the passage of time. The phone call where she had to pretend to be happy.

This was just a small trip to attend her friend’s wedding. A promise she had made a long time ago. ‘Was I this person who would go through great lengths just for an evening ceremony?’, Smitha thought to herself. She recollected her friend’s excited phone call about the proposal a year ago. A smile crept across her face, uninvited. Maybe it was a good thing that she didn’t cancel events. Slowly, she opened her eyes again and watched the flight pick up speed.

Outside the window, the grass shrank as the plane lifted over the buildings. Just then, the familiar queasiness rose in her stomach, hitting her like a wave. She leaned forward and closed her eyes, waiting for it to pass. Only then did it register. This nausea was the first thing she had felt in ages. And to her own surprise, she welcomed it.

Once the wave left her, she took out her headphones and played her comfort playlist. She opened the last book she had been reading. The mobile phone, a wonderful device, opened right where she had left off. Grateful for the small convenience, she read on.

After a few hours, the plane began its descent. A familiar flutter stirred at the bottom of her stomach. This time, she didn’t brace against it. She let it come.

As the plane slowed on the runway, the feeling lingered. Lighter this time. Not fear, but anticipation. Names surfaced in her mind. Faces she hadn’t seen since the invitation. Conversations she had postponed. Laughter she half-remembered. A wedding she had almost cancelled.

When the seatbelt sign switched off, the plane had come to a complete standstill. Around her, people were already on their feet, reaching for bags and jackets.

Smitha stayed seated. She switched her phone off aeroplane mode and opened the app with the envelope icon.

“Hi Kiran…” she began. “Please take this email as notice of my resignation…”

No pay was worth it if the pit in her stomach was the only thing that made her feel something.

— The End —