Socialising is indeed a brain-racking.

Don’t learn to socialise from extroverts. It is difficult to teach something that comes naturally to you. Instead, here is a beginner’s guide – the way I learnt it.

Socialising has two parts:

1. Having the confidence to speak up in any setting.
2. Understanding the “how to” of socialising.

Let’s begin with building the confidence to speak up.

“Fake it till you make it.”
Confidence rarely arrives first. Action does. Practise speaking confidently, and the courage follows.

Step 1 — State your first confident words.

Start with two simple words “Thank you.”
Say it to every person involved in your daily life.

Begin with Strangers

Begin with strangers — the Uber driver who gave you a ride, the barista who made your coffee, the cashier who billed your items, or anyone whose name you do not know.

When the transaction is complete, look up.

Say “Thank you” clearly.
Add a gentle smile.

Everyone appreciates being acknowledged. Especially in public. Make sure to practise this for a week or two, until it no longer feels like an effort.

Next, your Familiar Surroundings

Once you are comfortable thanking strangers, bring the same habit home.

Thank your family. Your colleagues. Your friends.

As introverts, we notice small gestures. We simply do not always know how to respond to them.

Respond the same way.
A gentle “Thank you.”
A small smile.

You do not have to wait for eye contact. They will usually look at you once you speak.

Instances where you can thank someone

1. When someone holds the door for you.
2. When they let you walk ahead in a narrow passageway.
3. When they pick up a pen you dropped.
4. When they lend you a charger.
5. When they offer you a food.

If you are refusing, say “No, thank you.” Say it with a confident smile. The smile matters when you are declining politely.

If you are accepting, say “Thank you” before you pick up the item.It is surprisingly difficult to express gratitude with a mouthful of food.

If you feel shy accepting something, take a small first piece. That often makes it easier.

Why This Works?

1. Everyone likes to be appreciated, especially in front of others.
2. Many people feel their efforts go unnoticed. A simple acknowledgment can change their day.
3. Almost no one is offended by gratitude. (Except perhaps Indian parents, who may wonder why you are suddenly being so formal.)

Points to Note:

1. Do not mumble. Speak loudly and clearly. The goal is to speak up without embarrassment.
2. If you feel shy, repeat this in your head
   “No one is offended by a thank you.” (or) “I will never meet this stranger again.”
3. Make eye contact if the situation allows it. If not, look towards their face, smile, and say the words anyway.
4. If they are busy and cannot immediately look at you, say “Thank you,” count silently to three while looking at them, and then walk away.
   • Usually the recipient of the thank you would always look at you to acknowledge it.
   • Hold your smile for those three seconds.
5. Worried your smile looks awkward? Smile anyway. Any smile is better than no smile.

Practice

A skill is only learnt through repetition. Commit to this habit for at least a month.

It took me three months of consistent effort for each step to feel natural. It took six months before it became a part of who I am.

Confidence is rarely dramatic. It is built quietly, one “thank you” at a time.

— To be continued…